The Married Woman
by chysalis
Summary: They had always been friends. They had always been there for each other. Then beeing grown up and love came in the way. Pairings: MerDer, MerMark, other Rating for safety. Enjoy.. Please Read and Review!
1. The Wedding

A/N: Aye folks: Here is the deal. This is actually an adaption of a movie. I won't tell you what the movie is called since that might spoil the fun but some of you might know it. To fit it in I had to take some _slight _changes:

Mark and Derek were never best friends. I hate that option but I didn't find a way around that. Addison and Meredith are sisters. They moved in with the chief when Meredith was 8 and Derek was 13 years old. Izzie and Cristina are friends.

Please try to go with it... thank you

**Disclaimer: If I owned GA I would be rich... But I'm not. What does that tell you?**

_Today_

Black... for Derek it was the most fitting color he could have worn today. He felt black. On the outside he was the sophisticated, handsome and successful surgeon. A man that made his family proud. A son, that made a father brag and mother do almost everything to get their daughters to meet them. He was the friggin american dream.

On the inside, he was nothing. He was black. An empty hole.

When he looked out of the window he could see his mother fussing and whirling around to get everything in place. Sydney was nowhere to be seen. Derek figured that she was probably getting ready. Prepping... babying herself to be ready on time. She had every right to do that. Wasn't the wedding day supposed to be the most exciting day in the live of a young woman?

Sydney was everything a man could wish for. Pretty, smart and bubbly in a way that made you think of a ... very happy person. She celebrated her own success – beeing one of the residents in the state of Washington. And obviously ready to give everything in their upcoming marriage.

There were only two people Derek despised more in this very moment. Mark Sloan and Meredith Grey.

It wasn't like he wanted to hate Meredith. He just couldn't help himself. What she did was unforgiveable and it disgusted him everytime he thought of it. She married somebody she was not supposed to. Mark. As Derek thought of his name he had to take another swing of Scotch. But the thought of the man remained lingering in his thoughts and gave him a bitter taste in his mouth, no scotch could ever wash away.

„Sir..."

The voice was so low that he almost didn't hear it. Savoy, a servant in Chief Webbers house was standing halfway in his room. He was fidging and obviously nervous. Derek couldn't blame him – the poor man was just waiting to get a full temper tantrum thrown at him. It wouldn't have been the first time in the last few month.

„What?" Even thought he tried to, he didn't manage to keep the 'being bugged' part entirely out of his voice.

Savoy fidget a little more, which really started to get Derek in an even pissier mood and cleared his throat.

„Mrs. Ellis Grey has asked me to tell you... well.. he asked ... if you ... if you would be so kind to visit her before the wedding ceremony. She is too weak to attend herself, but she wanted to talk to you before... everything takes place."

Derek thought about it for a minute but didn't find a convincing reason not to go. The woman had been kind to him. She always had treated him like a son, even after... she had somebody else for that.

He gave a short nod and motioned Savoy to leave. He took the last swing out of his scotch glass, run his hand a last time through his hair and went to the house next door.

He found her sitting in a swinging chair on her backporch. She was looking into the small garden, her expression somewhat dreaming but she smiled when he put his hand on her arm.

„Ellis" he said carefully. She didn't have the destroyed expression, he had seen most of the time since she returned from New York, anymore. But she didn't like very content either.

„So...you are getting married." She said softly.

„Yes.."

„I would have never figured that you would go for a woman like Sydney. Even though she has her charms. And the whole, beeing pure stuff helps to." Ellis made a disposing gesture and Derek couldn't help but chuckle.

„Are you happy Derek?" The question caught him off-guard and at first he didn't know how to answer. He wasn't, he didn't have to think about that. But what was happines anyways.

„In a way." Ellis nodded at his answer without letting him know if she was satisfied with it.

„I was very happy when Mark became part of our family. He has been so good... so kind to us. Did you know that he managed everything when..."

Dereks stomach clenched. But he didn't know if the name of Sloan or the tears in the eyes of the older woman were responsible for that.

„I need to leave Ellis. I need to get ready. The wedding will be soon." Ellis nodded absently. She was back in her own little world.

And for him it was time to return into his.

And then it happened. He met her. He was halfway out of the house when her voice rang behind him.

„Derek..." He stood still for the shortest moment. Imagining that her saying his name was a good thing. That it ment they were in love. And together. Happy. But then the cold and hard truth hit him again. She wasn't his. And she never really had been.

„Meredith..."

He saw the sadness in her face. It made him happy that him being cold could still hurt her. And then he hated himself for wanting to hurt her.

She was standing on top of the stairs, looking down at him. She was beautiful as ever and he sucked the sight of her in as if his life depended on it.

Despite himself.. even though he knew better he started to walk up the stairs. Faced her. Breathed her in.

She took a step closer and Derek could actually feel slight arousel, just by smelling the lavender scent of her hair.

Beeing painfully close, she looked at him. Almost shy:" You have forgotten me?"

She started circling him, looking at him from every angle.  
„You don't want to see me? You don't want to meet me..."

Getting even closer, she manage a small smile... a knowing smile that upset him:  
„But you_ do _want to touch me!"

A mix made out of shame and disgust took place in his stomach. How dared she talking to him like that? How dared she talking to him at all?

„Don't you have any shame?.Even thought you're married, you speak like this." He knew he sounded like a very old person. Like being married matter in the ... matters of the sheets. Just now. It mattered.

Smiling she took his comment in. Like he complimented her on something. Like her marriage was a good thing.

„It's because I'm married I have no shame and no fear. Everything of you..." Her hand on his chest was the last straw. It felt like it burned his chest. He pushed her away and started walking down the steps.

„Someone who betrays her husband A shameless and infidel woman - that's what you are!"

She collapsed on the stairs. Her face full of hurt and confusion. Good... she knew now how it felt. She deserved it. It was her fault he was pushed into a marriage he didn't want. It was her fault that he was black.


	2. It all started out so beautifully

A/N: Back!

I was very satisfied when I read xiao chans comment. I wanted you guys to be confused. It is not supposed to be clear by now what happened... who is with who... short. It is not supposed to be clear by now what the hell is going on. I could tell you... but then there is no point in writing this.

I thank all of you for the review, please review more... I'm love reviews..

**Disclaimer: Yeah! I know... I do not own GA... I do no intend to use this for commercial purpose yadda yadda yadda ... pass the Pillox please!**

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_Jan. 1987_

„Wake up!" Derek felt a smack on his head and managed to let out a grunt.

„No... early. Wanna sleep!" He turned around, fully intended to ignore Alex. Even though they had been friends for some time, he still didn't get him. How could he be so happy in the morning? He grunted once more in the hope that Alex would get the hint and leave. Even though he knew that this hope was for the naught.

„Bud. Get up and look out of the window. You won't believe it!" Alex managed hardly to get the excitment down.

Signing Derek turned around once more and decided to get up. A short look on his clock confirmed him. 9:22 am. Too.Friggin.Early! Why, for heavens sake would ANYONE want to get up this early? He wandered over to the window and took a look. At first he couldn't see anything interesting. The garden... some parts of his house. The Webbers house. But then he saw it. A van. More... a truck. Park in the front of the Webber house. Somebody was moving in the Webber house.

„Looks like Doc Web got himself a girlfriend!" Alex laughed and smacked Derek on the shoulder. 'Looks like it' Derek thought.

Then he looked at Alex: „How the hell did you get in here?"

Alex looked at him funnily for a second as if that was a very stupid question. „Your mom let me in! You know, there are people in this world who get up before lunch."

It had been a stupid question indeed.

Derek shaked his head and concentrated once more on the truck.

„So. Who is moving in? And don't tell me you don't know." If there was one thing Alex was good in, it was sneaking.So he had probably been spying on the Webber household the minute the moving truck arrived in front of it.

„Some chick named ... what was it? May? Fay?.. No! Hold on: Grey! Thats what it was. With her two daughters. Allerson and something. I forgot."

„Allerson? Thats not even a name. Not to mention not a girls name."

„Well it was something in that direction anyways. But what does it matter. We will find out eventually. I already made sure that your mum greats them later on. She can tell you everything." Derek nodded. They would find out about... Allerson and ... well the other on. Hopefully they were worth it.

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Addison! The older redheaded girl was named Addison. He knew her already from school. Next to her was a younger girl. A child... which was obviously 'the other one'. He was introduced to her as Meredith. She seemed shy; hiding herself behind Addison; looking at him with big eyes. But she was only 8 years old anyways.

He barely listened while Addison chatted away about her mother, Ellis Grey, marrying Doc Webber and moving into the house next door. He just nodded sometimes so she wouldn't feel like he was intrested in what she had to say, while his mind was drifting away.

„Thank you so much!" That caught his attention. Why the hell was she thanking him?

„Eh... no problem!" He would just wait and see what he just did that made her thank him.

„I can't take her with me and I really wanted to meet my friends. Thank you so much for watching her!"

'Excuse me?' He thought. 'Watching who?' He saw Addison nugging Meredith and heard how she whispered to her.

„Look, you will stay with Derek for sometime. He will watch you until I come back okay?" Oh no! He did NOT just agree to babysit some 8 year old.

But before he could find a way to wiggle out of the too sudden responsibility Addison was gone. He ran to the window to call after her, but all he could see was her running around a corner. Gone! Dammit!

He turned around and looked at Meredith. She had dirty-blond hair and big blue eyes and he was sure that girls just loved putting ribbons in her hair. She was still staring at him and he was almost expecting her to stare at him quitly till Addison returned as she suddenly started to speak.

"I want to be a surgeon when I grow up!" It would have been an understatement to say that he was surprised.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" She looked at him expectantly. Almost like she was waiting for something big.

"Well…" he tried to stall. He wasn't sure how to answer that question.

"My mum is a surgeon. And my Uncle Richard is a surgeon. And Addie wants to be a surgeon. So I'm gonna be a surgeon. Are you gonna be a surgeon?"

When she came with her sister he had thought that she was almost too quit. Now he was trying to think of a way to shut her up again.

"I'm sure you could be a surgeon! You look smart! Are you smart?"

"Uh.. I think so…" How to answer that question?

"Then you can be a surgeon. And if you are very smart. You could be a brain surgeon. Do you wanna be a brain surgeon?"

"I… I don't know?" He didn't even know what to do on the week end. How should he know what he wanted to be in life? That was far away.

Suddenly he felt something wrap around his pinkie finger. Meredith little hand. Tiny... even when she made a fist.

"Are you gonna be my friend?" And somehow, this made him smile. Her eyes were full of trust, even though she didn't know him. And for the first time he felt that he could answer a question of hers.

"Yeah… I think I'm gonna be your friend, Mere."

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_Octobre 1990 _

His heart was about to break when he found her. She was crying, her face flushed and her eyes already read and swollen. She tried desperatly to hide it, but failed miserably.

"Mer. Sweety, why are you crying?" She hiccuped twice and wiped her nose with her hand.

"It's nuthin,.. really. It's stupid." Now she tried to smile but that made her whole appearance even worse.

"Come on Mer. It's me! You can tell me. How ever stupid it might be." Derek smiled at her. Trying to give her some courage. She always talked to him. He was her person. There was nothing stupid she could tell him.

"My mum is giving me very little pocket money. She says she doesn't want me to be spoiled. And I understand that I do..." More tears came and rolled down her cheek. But this time she wiped them away with more force.

"... but all the other kids in school are teasing me. Because I can't buy anything... They are laughing about me because I can't even afford stupid ice-cream."

He really didn't mean to. He hated that he did it, but Derek just couldn't help himself. He started to laugh. It died in his throat the moment he saw Meredith face, but he still chuckled slightly.

"That's what makes you cry? Really. Just money?"

She gave him a dirty look.

"Well... thats easy for you to say. You do have money." He chuckled again and took her hand.

"Come on. Come I show you something." She looked at him questionly but followed suit. He walked into his room, and opened a his drawer.

"Look at this. Whats that?" When she looked in his drawer she saw his cash box. She raised an eyebrow while she tried to figure out what he was implying.

"Your money?" He shook his head and gave her a small key.

"Our money."

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_March 1993_

"You don't have to come with me Der. I will be fine you know." Meredith took one last look into the mirror and turned back to Derek. She saw him smiling at her, with this all-knowing Derek look of his. His Derek-look.

"Don't worry about it. I want to come with you. And if I didn't then you wouldn't have a date." She watched him turning his look in something teasing and scoffed.

"I don't _need_ a date. I can be my own date."

He shook he head. Looking at her pointly.

"If you don't have a date for this ball, then you might get picked up. So yes, you do need a date. And I will be your date. Because I want to be your date."

She shook her head: "You can't be my date. You are my friend."

He smiled at this. It was unusal that a 18 year old was friends with a 13 year old. But somehow he like it.

"And this is why I'm gonna be your date."

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_April 1998_

He couldn't wait. He just couldn't wait to tell her. Because telling her would make it real. It would mean that he was actually admitted to Dartmouth Medical School. That he would actually become a surgeon.

Of course he wanted to tell his family too. Especially his dad, who still thought of him as a slacker with no point in life. But he _needed_ to tell her. His best friend. His person.

It didn't know why, but whatever happened in his life, he told her first. And whatever happened in her life, she told him first. Before her mum, before her stepdad. Heck, even before Addison.

He was actually sitting at his window, looking down at the street waiting for Meredith to come home from school. Like an old lady. But he couldn't help himself. Like he couldn't help himself yelling for her as soon as she got out of the bus.

"Mer!"

He saw her looking up smiling. She had her hand raised above her eyes to shield it from the sun.

"Hi Der!" Her nickname for him made him smile.

"How are you?"

"Fine! I got first in my biology class today!" She smiled even wider at that.

"That's awesome! Come up. I want to tell you something too."

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	3. And my heart sways

**A/N: One Review? Come on guys... I got one Review... I'm a sucker for reviews. So please Read, Love, Hate, Review... thanks**

**Disclaimer: If I would own GA my name would be Shonda. But it's not. So I don't own GA**

_April 2006_

Derek was awakened by somebody humming. Without opening his eyes he knew that it had to be Meredith. There was one thing he couldn't understand. He was a hard-working surgeon. A resident. Getting up at times some people couldn't even imagine. And still. Meredith insisted upon waking him up at ungodly hours like 9 o'clock in the morning. He couldn't believe that he thought at one point by staying at his families home he would be able to have the time to sleep in.

Meredith waking him had almost become something like a ritual. Since she was usually up before him, she tended to visit him when he was still sleeping. So his mother sended her up to wake him herself. At first he had been pretty pissed at her. But by now he was almost disturbed if he didn't wake up with her voice in his ear.

He felt his bed shift and new that she must have sat down on it.

"Wake up sleepy head."

Her voice was close to his ear and he could feel her breath tickling his skin. For a second he imagined how close she must be, her lips almost pressing against him.

Her voice had a little sing sang to it as she whispered again.

"Get up. It's morning already and the sun is bright and shiny." He breathed in her scent. The lavender from her hair and the little bit of Meredith. He knew by the tone of her voice that she was probably smiling. Knowing that he was awake already. Fake-groaning he streched out his right arm and grabbed her quickly, flipping her over.

She yelped as she landed with a soft noise and started giggling as he pinned her down playfully.

"It is not nice to wake a sleeping man up, you know?"

She giggled a little bit more and raised her hand to touch his face softly.

"Very true..." She flashed him his prettiest smile while her thumb wandered across his lips but broke then into a full grin.

"... thats why I decided it would be alright to wake you!"

He felt himself gaping at her. Altought he wasn't sure if it was because of her thumb or her audacity. But there was definitly a gape.

She pushed him gently off her and gave him a wink.

"Get up now. There are things to do. And stuff to learn. And anatomy is not part of it."

He grabbed her arm and pulled her back down to him. She smiled expectantly, as if she waited for something.

"But anatomy is fun. And there are so many ways of teaching you. And secondly, why do you wanna be a doctor. I'm a doctor already. You're beautiful. You don't need to skills. You don't even need to know how to read. Just be pretty. I'm gonna take care of you."

This time she actually smacked him. Damn her! Violent woman.

"It's not like you are always gonna be there. So I'll need skills. And I want skills."

There seemed to be something like a frown on her face, but it was gone within a second. Derek wasn't even sure he had seen it.

"Of course I'm always gonna be there. We're should I go?"

She got up and walked over to the window where she was able to look down at her mothers house.

"Your father asked me to tell you that he wants you to meet the daugher of one of his colleagues tonight. Sydney. Very pretty as I heard."

He shook his head, showing her that he didn't quit understand her meaning.

"Derek. On day you will be married. You will have a wife. And kids. And a pretty house. And Mrs. Derek Shephard won't like it if you spend all your waking hours making sure that your skillles childhood friend has everything she needs, because you decided that being pretty was enough for her."

Marriage. It seemed to be so far for him. He didn't even grasp WHY he should marry. He liked his life. He liked that he could decided to sleep at his families home whenever he choosed to so he could be woken up by Meredith. He liked that he was free to decide what to do. Whenever he choosed to.

Unfortunatly his father had other plans. Plans that implied him becoming Chief of Surgery. And him being married, since it seemed to be a requirement for becoming Chief.

He flashed her a smile. The one she once called dreamy and got up to stand next to her.

"Well... I won't marry before you. And there will never be a guy good enough for you. I can't imagine anyone I would allow marrying you. So you will never marry. And I will never marry. So nobody will interfere with me taking care of you."

He meant it. At this moment he meant it. While he already didn't like the thought of her marrying some random guy, he hated the thought what a marriage would imply. That she wouldn't be able anymore to take care of him

She shot him another grin.

"Lucky for me then that this isn't your call right? Anyways, you are supposed to meet this girl tonight AND to be nice to her. She is going to be a doctor too, by the way. So you shouldn't have any problems connecting with her. At least not at some points."

She walked over to his desk and started opening some books.

"And till you have to go, you can help me developing skills that I will actually need later in life."

He signed in defeat and cocked an eye brow at her.

"But before that... break fast?"


	4. My favourite Mistake

**A/N: Please don't hate me. Please don't hate me. Love, Hate, Review.**

**WARNING: GRAPHICAL CONTENT! **

**Disclaimer: If I owned GA there would be some serious Mer/Der Sex... but there isn't what does that tell you?**

_May 2006_

Going out with Meredith was always fun. She could miraclously drink like a guy and was always fun to hand out with. But tonight, they were not only going out. They were celebrating. Meredith had been accepted by Seattle Grace Surgical Program. Not only one of the best programs but also the hospital were he was working.

Unfortunatly Meredith had called the shots tonight. Namely tequila. And instead of a little tipsy they were both seriously drunk.

Since he didn't want her to drive home by herself with some strange cab driver dude he didn't know they decided that they would both sleep at his apartment. Going home seemed to be far and so the loft had a least one function. In the last few month he almost always sleep over at the hospital or his parents house. He and Meredith just used it when they were too tired or too drunk to go home.

He was waiting for her. Like so often. Why did she always take so much time to talking to the door man when he was waiting for her. He knew that it sounded childish and selfish. Even in his own head. But that didn't stop him. He wanted her here.

"Derek." He turned around and saw her standing in door frame. She was glowing. Actually glowing.

"You're glowing."

She smiled at him. The glow grew a little bit stronger.

"Why thank you. You look pretty good yourself."

"So you're feeling flirty today. You know that too can play the game."

He loved it when she was like that. Playful and flirty. It was almost like a game. Whoever brought the other to be flustered first won. Usually he won. But she had gotten better over times. By being cruder. By beeing more sexual.

"I know that. But you seem to be very tired today. I don't think we have time for more than a quickie."

He nodded: "You are right. I'm. But if we take it fast we can make it." He walked over to her, sniffed in her scent, a little bit louder so she would know that he breathed her in. But instead of blushing she leaned in, smelled him back and whispered ever so softly in his ear.

"Then I should come back soon so you can take it slow. I like it when you take it slow. And I know you can take it incredibly slow."

Almost. She had almost managed to make him blush.He would make sure that she paid for that. He just grinned at her and walked over to his closet. Without he word, he just a fresh button down shirt and pulled his sweater over the head. He saw her checking him out for a second. I was just a slight look but there was definitly a look.

He threw the shirt on the bead and walked, bare-cheasted over to her. With a smile he closed the door to press her against it. Then he leanend in. So close that he could feel her breath on his naked shoulder. Just a little bit closer and he would feel her lips on his skin. And for the tinest moment he considered this option.

Usually he didn't get this close. Usually he made certain to not invate her personal bubble. So she wouldn't be more than a little uncomfortable. But today was different. Today he just couldn't stop himself.

"You are very forward today. The way you just said it, it almost sounded dirty." His thumb strocked her lips, which were parted slightly. And she was starting to get nervous. He could feel her breath against his finger. It was a little bit stronger and came a little bit faster.

"I'm not used to hear something dirty out of your mouth. I like it. It's exciting." He knew he was close. Her breath was ragged now. Her eyes had gotten bigger. And in her eyes was something other, then the flirty, amused look she had worn earlier. Something he hadn't seen up till now.

"What should I do with you now. After you seem to become a naughty girl."

Her expression changed. She started to grin again. Licked her lips. Got up on her tip toes and let her lips fly over the crook of his neck as she answered.

"You should probably spank me."

He was prepared to laugh at her comeback. Maybe to cough. He was also prepared to get flustered. You never knew. But he wasn't prepared for what happend. Not at all. Derek felt his cock twitch.

He swallod hard and nodded, knowing that she would feel it.

"Maybe I should do exactly that." His arm wandered around her and pulled her close to him before he leaned forward one more time, pressing her her against the hard wood. Her arms wandered up, clasping his shoulders tightly.

And suddenly it didn't feel like a little joke anymore. Like all the playfullness was gone and their game had become serious. Dead serious. A game where it wasn't enough to just feel her breath. Where he wanted to get even closer to her.

She moved slightly. Wiggling against him, as if to try what happened if she did. And he almost felt guilty when he felt himself stiffen a little. His lower side still tightly pressed against her he leaned back again. And for the first time, he actually looked at her. Took her in. And started to see her beauty for what it was.

The hand that had hung unmoving at his side till now, wandered up by itself. His fingers stroked her collarbone, enjoying the softness of her skin.

"Derek?"

He heard the question. Wanted to ask her himself what was going on and why she wasn't kneeing him for touching her inappriopriatly. Why she allowed his fingers to graze her skin. To wander under the neck line of her, the seam of her shirt. Why she didn't push him away when he put his forhead against hers. Why she didn't yell at him, for beginning something that would have meant death for a lot of other men.

"Derek..."

The whisper of his name wasn't a question anymore when his lips moved to her neck. He didn't actually kiss her. It was more of him pressing his lips against her skin. And their game stop beeing fun when he gave his tongue permission to flicker out and have a first taste.

If you had asked him some years back he would have laughed about the thought of him sleeping with Meredith. For him she hadn't been an actual sexual beeing and so having sex with her had been impossible.

Now the thought of her was more than a possible idea. The moment he heard her saying his name in a moan-like fashion it became a want. The moment he tasted her skin it became a need. The thought of her in his bead, moaning his name, meeting his thrusts; of her coming shuddering gave him an actual hard-on. A hard-on he knew she would feel.

He decided to make it her decision. Now that she knew that it wasn't a game anymore; not for him anyways; she had to step away. If she did he would beg on his knees for forgiveness and never have a thought of touching her again. At least not in this way. If she didn't...

"Derek!"

This time she was a little louder. And an obvious moan. And the last encouragement he needed. He lifted his head only to let his mouth close hers. The kiss was careful at first. Almost reluctant. But soon it grew more passionate.

He didn't know whose lips parted whose but soon the sweetness of her tongue was in his mouth, playing with his. He groaned a little to relieve some of the tension he felt inside. His hand that had been stoking hear cleavage and collarbone till now, sunk lower and he flicked his thumb over her cloth covered nipple. She moaned in his mouth and arched her back a little.

His head was blurry and full of her. Every sense focused on her. The sound of her gasping his name. The taste of her mouth and skin. The hard feeling of the nipple he was rolling between his fingers. Watching her getting flushed and aroused. And between all that the scent of lavender.

As he lifted her up her legs went almost automatically around his waist. He carried her into the bedroom, found way to the bed blindly. His mouth was never leaving hers.

He gave himself a minute to looked at her after he laid her down. Her complexion was flushed, the lips were parted gasping for air in short hard breaths. Waiting for him. To bury himself in her. Waiting for him to make love to her.

She smiled shyly at him as he removed her shirt. Got even a littler shier when her pants followed suit.

"God Meredith. You're beautiful."

And she was. It wasn't some romantic notion that made him telling her something of the most overused sentences in the history of sex ever. He just felt this way. And he always told her how he felt.

Derek could see her arousel more clearly now. A hardened nippels. A soft wet spot on her panties. But even more important. He could smell it. And that made his erection almost painful.

He laid next to her. Kissing her. His hand stroking her skin, wandering down. Cupping her.

She arched and gave a full blown moan when he pressed his heal down on her clitoris. Teasing it.

"Eh!"

Deciding that things had to move on a little bit more quickly he removed her bra, discarding it by throwing it over the shoulder. He returned on kissing her. But since her mouth was occupied by gasping and moaning he focused his attention to her newly freed nipples.

He wasn't even sure if she realised that she lifted her hips to help him removing her panties. She was holding herself to his shoulders. Her eyes were closed.

"Derek...Ah!"

She buckled a little bit as his hand returned between her legs. His thumb stroking and teasing her clitoris while he inserted a finger in her wetness. He was about to settle for a slow and steady rhythm but she made it clear that it was not in her interest.

"Derek... please. I ... I want to..."

He nodded to himself, got up and kissed her hard while inserting a second finger. She met his trust while he was masturbating her. And as he started to feel her coming he stopped the kiss. His need to watch her having an orgasm because of him getting the better of him. She came beautifully. And while she was laying beneath him, holding to him while she was having pleasure brought by his hand he thought to himself that it should stay like this. That he should be the only one she should have orgasms for.

After her breath started to slow down a bit, he was ready to move himself on top of her. But before he could even get rid of his boxers he heard the most disturbing noise in his live.

BEEEEP BEEEEP BEEEP

He wanted nothing more but to ignored it. But his inner-doctor self kicked in and he knew he would take a look on his beeper.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'll be right back."

Meredith nodded absently. Her eyes were still closed and she was clearly still in the afterglow of her orgasm.

The hospital. Who else.

He signed and dialed the number on his beeper.

"Seattle Grace Hospital?"

"Dr. Shephard here. I was paged? He purposely gave a little bit of annoyance in his tone. Hoping the call would be over soon.

"Dr. Shephard? We need you immediatly. There was a car crash with head trauma." He shook his head. Karma seemed to hate him.

"I'm not on call. You paged the wrong person." Stupid nurse.

"No. It was a bigger one. We need everybody. Your attending asked for everybody on his team. You have to come as fast as possible."

"I'm sorry. But since I wasn't on call I drank alcohol tonight. I won't be able to practice medicine. Not even to mention surgery."

"Doesn't matter. Take a cab, hang yourself to a banana bag and get sober. Then help. Now!!

"Fine!" He hung up before he could insert a very childish 'whatever' and looked at Meredith again. She still was laying on his bed. Naked. Uncovered. And she had obviously heard the rest of the call.

"You have to go!" It was a statement. Not a question.

"Yes... I'm sorry... I do." He sat next to her on the bed. Watched her intently.

"What about..." she made a motion in direction of his... still very serious hard-on. He swallowed and told himself to be brave.

"It will go away. Sooner or later it will go away." She nodded and watched quitly while he got dressed again.

"Should we talk about this?" Good Question.

"Probably. Yes. Lets talk when I get back okay?"

She nodded. Look at him. Waited.

He walk over a pressed a kiss to her forehead.

And then he left... to save some lives.


	5. True Lies

A/N: Wow! Reviews have been mind blowing this time. Especially from you greyshep. Thank you so much. I love you! sniff

**Disclaimer Since I'm the ruler of everything that is evil, I proclaim GA to be mine... What do you mean I'm not the ruler of all that is evil?**

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When Derek opened the door to his apartment he knew in an instant that Meredith was gone already. He still could smell her in the air but the apartment laid cold and somewhat abandoned.

The sign of the made bed had something sad to him. Just a few hours ago he had laid there. Meredith in his arm. Shuddering in her release. Two of his fingers buried deeply inside her.

He laid down, breathed in the redolence that was still lingering on his bead sheet.

He still tried to wrap his mind around what happened last night. Thoughts, pictures and emotions flashed before his inner eye, reminding him of the crazyness that had been the last night.

He had broken an unspoken rule. He actually had tried, and had been somewhat successful, to seduces Meredith. If she would come to him, telling him about some guy that had changed simple flirting in getting her off, he would have had his head. He felt almost guilty. Meredith trusted him. Believed that he would take care of her in her drunkenness. That he would make sure that no harm was getting to her. Instead he had been the harm.

If he could kick his ass, he would.

The question was:

What would happen now?

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Instead of sleeping, he decided to take a shower and head out to find Meredith. She was right. They needed to talk. They needed to make things right. Whatever that would mean.

As it seemed fate wanted them to talk to. He opened the door and there she was. Standing in front of his door. She had changed and looked incredible pretty. His heart jumped for a second. When she brushed by him. Touching him lightly.

He watched her walking into his apartment. Tried to reason with himself while he followed her. He was feeling lust for his best friend. That was obvious. But what came after that?

She sat on the couch, waiting for him to sit down. He sat next to her, not sure if he should touch her. So he didn't. He didn't want to smother her. Didn't want to give her the feeling of being harassed.

Derek heard a sign and realized a moment later that it had been himself. The situation was akward. For the first time he had seen and expirienced Meredith as a woman. Not the little girl he knew since he was a teen. Not the soon-to-be surgical Intern at the clinic were he was just about to become an attending. But has a woman, with needs and desires. And he wasn't quit sure how to go back after he got a taste of her being... her.

"So..." she started and immediatly trailed of again.

"So.." he answered, not sure himself what to do or say.

"That was quit a night... last night. With all the drinking... and the dancing. Well, me dancing, since you don't dance in public Derek. Just having fun. Hanging out. I like that."

He nodded. Derek wanted her to know that he liked their time too. He wanted her to know that he enjoyed being with her. But all he could do was nod. So he nodded.

"And after we got home..." He saw her face twisting and knew that she had a hard time saying this. Starting out with the conversation. But before he could interfere she continued.

"Last night was good. All of it Derek. It was really really good. Especially in ways I didn't expect it to be good." She looked out of the window, collecting herself for a second. "And don't think I don't know the difference between good and bad. I went to college."

Derek didn't know whether to laugh or to throw up at that notion.

"So it was good. I hope you consent. But... something being good... it doesn't necessarily make it right. It means that it makes you feel good. But so do drugs. And they are not good for you. I'm I right?"

He blinked... Did she just compare him to a drug? Was he now offended or flattered?

And why didn't he still know what to say?

"I like us being friends Derek. I don't want to lose that. Because us being us... it is good. And right. And I was going over it in my mind. Again and again."

He somehow didn't like the sound of that.

"Can we still be what we were Derek? Can we still be us?"

He nodded at that thought, more for the lack of knowing what else to do. It made sense. Her friendship had lasted almost twenty years. Twenty years where no person was as close to him as Meredith. He was excited that she would work at the same hospital he did. He was excited like a school boy. The thought of loosing being excited over her felt sickening.

"Meredith. We will always be us. It doesn't matter what happens. We will always be us."

"So...shall we continue being us then?" She smiled for the first time, as if he had lifted a big weight of her shoulders. He felt happy at that. And sad. A strange thing. He felt like something was taken from him.

He smiled back. Letting her know that he agreed. He was not yet feeling... whatever she was feeling. But she was happy and that was all that mattered. So he smiled back.

And for the first time since she walked him, he allowed himself to touch her.


	6. Ay dil dil ki duniya mein

**A/N: This is a little fill chapter. I want you to know what Derek feels like. Maybe you will understand action of him better later on if you know what he feels like.**

**BTW: Has anyone here seen 300? It is nothing but a tribute to the male body... ooooohhhhh.. little chysalis was a very happy fellow over the weekend. She just needs to decide who was hotter... Stelios or Astinos. A little input by you will be appriciated!  
**

**A/N 2: This chapter is for greyshep. Thanks for your pm. It helped me getting over my writers block.**

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Hours turned into days... Days turned into weeks. And before he even

realized it, three month had gone by.

Even though they had gone back to being friends it definitly didn't

feel the same anymore. At least not for him. Meredith seemed oblivious

to the change in their relationship. She behaved like nothing had ever

happened.

Maybe it was good.

And he tried. Which was the best he could do. That he tried. To go

back. To pretend. Not to care.

To go back to their easy friendshippy ways like she asked him to. To

pretend that her smile didn't send shivers down his spine. Not to care

the the smell of her hair aroused him.

Instead he introduced her to friends of his so she could meet someone

to date. Gave her his McDreamy smile so she would blush instead of him.

Made fun of her hair whenever he wanted to throw her on the bed and screw her senseless

Maybe it was right.

For the first time in his career he liked the long hours in the

hospital that came with being a neurosurgical resident. He liked that he

was either so focussed on his task or so exthausted that thinking of

Meredith was very often not an option. He didn't like the whole thinking

part.

Because with the thinking, the questions came. When did their

relationship of innocent childhood friendship become something ... well

something. He couldn't pinpoint a moment. When had their playfulness changed in sexuality?

He didn't think much about her. At least not when he was working.

The nights were different. If he was laying awake, he thought about her. Their history... their life. And what he considered happening now. Staying friends, becoming lovers... becoming... more then that. Or maybe not.

Life was even worse when he slept. He dreamt of her. How she came beneath him, shuddering. Her inner walls pulsating around his fingers.

Maybe... oh heck! He didn't know


	7. Theres a new man in town!

**A/N: So…. I took me forever. But here is a short update. I finally can start with the actual story. Everything before that is sweet and needed so you understand whats going on with Derek later on. There will be a little bit of Meredith later maybe but the main focus is on Derek. Please Love or Hate… but REVIEW!!!**

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"Guess what?" Meredith played her voice in a sing-sang tone, mocking the almost childish question she just asked.

Derek smiled and closed his medical book. He was sitting outside, trying to get some head up on a surgery which was coming up, when Meredith aproached him. He had known that she was coming the minute she stepped into the yard. He always did. The room could be full of people, he would know, without seeing her, whether she was there or not.

"What?"

She sat next to him, her smile growing wider. He had missed that. The easiness between them. Since their "episode" they were lacking something. No more sexy flirting. A lot less touches. Oh god, he missed the touches. Especially now. They had become more meaningful. A brush was not just a brush anymore. Every little contact felt sweet and forbidden now.

"Nope! You have to guess!"

"How many times?"

"Three time's a charm, sweetheart!" The term of endearment made him smile even more.

"Ok. You got first in your class... again!" The most obvious one.

"Nope."

"You know what I bought for your birthday!"

"Nope...hey, you bought me something already?"

"Of course, but I'm not telling. You finally made up your mind and thought that it is in your and my best intrest to marry me!"

She laughed at that. Certain that he was joking. He wasn't so sure about that. He felt unsure about a lot of things that concerned her recently.

"No, silly. We gonna have a guest."

"We gonna have a guest?" He frowned at that. He couldn't remember his mum telling him that they would play host.

"Not you! WE!" She pointed to her house "The son of a friend of Uncle Richard."

"How nice..."

"And I'm supposed to take care of him. You know, show him the city. Entertainment and stuff."

Derek nodded at that. Meredith was good with kids. Always had been. She would make a marvelous mother to ... someones children one day.

"If you want to, I help you out. I'm good with kids." He especially liked the idea of playing family with Meredith for some days.

Her grin turned a little bit sly. Almost as if she knew something she didn't tell him. The kid was obviously a spoiled brat. Anyways he would spend time with that little chipmunk if she asked him too. He would do a lot of things if she asked him too.

"Of course you are. Now get back to your books. If you want to become a renowed surgeon who gets quoted in books every other week one day you have to study."

She pecked him on the cheek and got up, but Derek grabbed her arm and pulled her back down.

"Ditto!"

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"Are you coming?" He heard his mother call. Derek signed and opened his eyes. He felt tired. Endlessly tired. He had a fourteen hour surgery last night, his attending was hard on him, telling him that maybe neurology was not his subject. But it was. Derek knew that he was born to be a neurosurgeon.

Damn Dr. Matthews.

He decided against a tie, given the fact that it was just a dinner next door, with people he knew his whole life and went to meet his mother at the front door.

She fussed a little over his hair and then linked his arm in hers.

"BEHAVE!"

Derek felt a little flustered by that. He couldn't believe that his mother choose to still tell him what he needed to do. That she still found it necessary to tell him to behave when they were over at the neighbours.

"Excuse me?"

"Don't give me the I-don't-know-what-you-are-talking-about-look, young man. Behave. And be polite. Since you became a doctor you can be quit annoying."

He gaped at her, at her bluntness but she just shook her head a little and knocked.

"I'm standing anyways I'll open up!"

Derek could hear a deep male voice inside. A voice he never heard before. And something about the tone it used unsettled him. And as soon as he opened the door he knew why. The guy that belong to that voice was far to handsome for his own good.

Derek was certain that he stared at that guy, who opened that door like it belonged to his house but collected himself quickly and stepped past him.

The man gave a smirk that woman probably would find sexy and held out his hand for a shake.

"Mark Sloan. Nice to meet you!"

"Derek Shephard. A pleasure. Please meet my mother, Christine Shephard."

Mark gave a little bow, took the hand of Dereks mother and motioned a kiss on it. Derek felt his chin fall to the ground as he heard his mother giving a girly little giggle at that. What the hell?"

"Mark? Who is it?" Meredith! She came around a corner, a wineglass in her hand and smiled. She looked stunning. TOO stunning. She wasn't supposed to look like that with a guy like him around.

"The neighbours!" Mark shot Meredith an unnerving bright grin. The neighbours? They were not just the neighbours. Annoying little prick!

Derek swallowed hard once and then walked over to Meredith. He gave her a kiss on the cheek, lingered a little bit longer then he needed to and then tucked a lose hair behind her ear.

"You look great." She smiled at him in a weird mix of shy and coy.

"Thanks. So do you? How was the surgery?" They walked in direction of the kitchen and Derek instantly felt better. She remembered.

"Long... but good. And successful. It's neurosurgery, you know?"

She knew. He didn't need to explain. He never did. She just knew.

"So you are a surgeon." Mark came into the kitchen, claiming a spot next to Meredith and gave Derek a polite nod: "Me too."

"Really? What field?" Not that he really cared.

"Plastics. Making the world a little bit more beautiful every day." He gave Meredith a grin. "Unfortunatly for me there are people that are just too perfect. They don't need me and my service."

She blushed at that. She actually fucking blushed!

"No, Meredith doesn't." Derek agreed tightly: "At all!"

Before Mark could answer anything Mrs. Grey walked by telling them that dinner was ready. She was followed by his mother who whispered a sharp: "BEHAVE!".

And then he understood. His mother knew. Meredith knew. Everybody but him had know. The "guest", the son of Richards friend was nobody else but Mark Sloan. Meredith was supposed to spend time with a stupid hot shot surgeon who was obviously interested into getting into her pants.

This was... so not good!


	8. Sleep

**A/N: Unfortunatly I can edit this document, since won't kinda let me. I hope everything goes well anyways. Sorry that I haven't been updating in a long time, but my life was kinda upside down.**

**Anyways. Love Hate… but REVIEW!!!**

GA

Sleep was good. Sleep dulled and made you forget. It lulled you into a deep, dark and quit placed that made it unable to think or feel in straight ways. So sleep was good.

With a little blink of his eye Derek took in the time.

'9:25 am'

For a second he watched the little red dots between the number blink. Then he decided to go back to sleep. So he wouldn't need to think. And feel. Because it made his world upside down.

He wasn't supposed to feel this way. He wasn't to feel the hot possessiveness, the anger or the blind rage, when somebody touched Meredith. It wasn't like it was the first time anyways.

She had have boyfriends before. Not absolutely serious, but she had been with someone before. Someone who wasn't him. But for the first time, the worry he felt wasn't only about her getting hurt. It was about so much more. He worried that Mark Sloan would just sweep her of her feet and take her away.

Away…

That this little word could contain so much. Angst…Worry… Anxiety… YIKES! Now that he thought about it, the word was downright nasty.

Derek turned around and opened his eyes. He ignored the burning sensation the sudden light left in his eyes. It was at least something he could recognize. Not like the feeling in his torso. He couldn't decide whether he felt empty, or restless, or if it burned. It was all in once, and nothing at the same time.

It was a knock on his door that finally pulled him out of his stupor. A light knock. Almost like a code. He knew only one person, that knocked that way. His mother would knock loud, thrice and then just walk in and bark at him to get his ass up. His sisters wouldn't knock at all. His father would knock, and yell through the door to make himself decent and come down. But only Meredith would knock and give him the time to answer. To prepare himself that he wouldn't be alone in his room anymore.

Maybe he should just go back to his apartment.

"Come in" he released her from waiting, but couldn't find the strength to move, to draw his eyes away from the ceiling.

He heard the door open and close, heard shuffled steps on the carpet and felt the mattress shift. She laid next to him but did not touch him. Something was different.

"Hey!" Her voice, only a whisper.

"Hey!" he wants to force his voice louder, play over the awkwardness that fills the room but he can't. Because something is different.

"You left early yesterday…" He has to listen closely to hear what she says.

"I didn't feel right!" Not even a lie. It is not the truth – but not a lie either.

"Are you feeling better?"

How to answer that? Yes? No…? Or just… the thought of Mark touching you makes me sick to my stomach?

He doesn't know. So instead of giving her the wrong answer he doesn't say anything.

And then she touches him. Her little hand on his stomach. Rubbing slightly.

"Where does it hurt?" Everywhere… he wants to say. But again. He doesn't.

Her hand starts to distract him.

"Why aren't you talking to me?" Rub Rub Rub

"I'm talking to you. I just don't know how to answer your questions." He knows that this sounds weird but at least it is true.

Rub Rub Rub

He finally gets up. Before he does something they both regret.

She remains on the mattress, looking at him. Searching him. So he turns around. He doesn't want her to see what he know but can't understand.

He knows that he loves her. But he doesn't understand it.

He knows that it could destroy him and her. But he doesn't understand why.

Is love supposed to be like that?


	9. Silent Jealousy

**Öhm update... I don't want to get into detail while I didn't update for so long. I hope anyone is still interested in it. **

**If not. I would not blame you :D**

**I own a lot. But not GA**

Sydney pursed her lips. She raised her right hand to her face. She giggled. And somehow that was very unsettling. Not really because it was annoying. But because something didn't feel right. Just pretended. Derek forced a sighn down. He tried with all his might not to be rude. Wasn't sure whether he was successful.

Meredith had been right. Sydney was indeed somewhat pretty. And lively. And she was a doctor. Even a surgeon. Apparently every one was a surgeon nowadays. He felt like he was in a bad soap.

" You know I think most doctors treat medicine as a business nowadays. Your and my father for exampel."

"Hmmm..." How to answer that?

"I personally see medicine as my fate. I'm destined to heal people. Don't you think that you are too, Derek."

"I wouldn't say exactly that..."

"But everyone has a destiny Derek! Mine is to heal. And to be a devoted wife and mother of some strong and big boys."

'Ok... she did not just say that.' Derek thought to himself. But Sydney chatted on.

"It is great to know what you are born for. Knowing your destiny. Even better if it meets your desires. Do you know your desires, Derek?"

'Now that I do!'

But getting seductive glances by Sydney. If her father was anything like his, he knew exactly what was going on. Her father had probably told her that he would be going places, so she should get him before some other girl did. Her fahter owned a private clinic and was very well spoken off. But, just like his father, he viewed business as most important matter. And having the new shining star of the neurosurgical heaven in your private clinic for the bold and the beautiful was definitly good for business. At least he would have a good story for Meredith.

How could his father think he would ever consider marry a ditz like Sydney.

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"Heal with love?"

Derek nodded.

"Ok...but... HEAL WITH LOVE? I think I just threw up in my mouth a little." Meredith rolled her beautiful eyes and leaned back.

Derek grinned. He knew she would love that story. More than once his father had tried to set him up with young and ditzy woman who had a rich father behind her. The only interesting thing about these meeting were that Derek discovered that ditz came in many colours.

Once Meredith had sat down with him and they had created names for every type. When a girl was especially annoying it help him to think of those names.

Typ one was the "Glamour Ditz". She did one thing: Trying if she was EVER able to max out daddys credit card. Mostly with little trinkets for their oh so tiny dog.

The second one was the "Ditz in Disguise". She looked and acted sophisticated. Until she opened her mouth.

But the worst one was the "Honor Ditz". She was sure that she had a destiny to fufill and the earth to save. But for that OF COURSE she needed a good cover shoot from people magazine and the newest Dolby and Banana sun glass.

Meredith looked at him expectantly like she waited for his answer.

"Meredith", he said teasingly. "With what else should I heal if not with love"

Meredith shot him a glare: "I don't know. Ever tried medicine?"

Derek felt his grin grow: BELIEVE!" he exclaimed. "Meredith. You have to believe." She rolled her eyes and threw a pillow at him. And then everything went out of hand.

"No what I have to do is to go!"

Derek felt his stomach turn. She had never just ditched him before. She usually stayed until it was time to go to bed and then just went over to her house. Meredith was the reason that he sleeped mostly at his parents house, even though he had his own apartment. He mostly used it to sleep over when he was late in the city. Now since that night he used it even less. Everything was filled with Meredith. Her arousel. Her orgasm. Things that he wanted, needed to forget.

"Why? Why do you need to leave?" He hoped that there was not to much surprise in his voice.

"I lost a bet to Mark. Now Addy and I going to a night club with him. I need to get ready."

Mark, of course. Who else.

"When did you bet with him?" And why was the little tweep still there?

"Yesterday, we all went to the park and had a picnic. Mark bet that he could light his lighter ten times in a row. If I won he would have borrowed me his fancy car for a weekend. But he made it so he will take me to a night club. Addy joined in and my cousine Shedaisy and and her fiance are coming too."

She smiled at him.

"Don't you want to join in too?"

Derek growled. "Now wouldn't that defeat the purpose of him taking you out."

He gritted his theeth. Good if he had ever hated someone then it was Mark.

Meredith seemed confused for a second but returned to smile.

"Oh come on. It's not like that. and you know it." Derek tried to stay calm, but his blood started to boil and all his reason flew out of the window.

"I know nothing! Because apparently you rather spend your time with "Dr," Mark Sloane; having private little picnis and hot little meet-me-ups in night clubs then to spend time with boring ole me."

He was out of reason. Meredith had done nothing and still he was not only yelling at her, but actually putting her down. He was furious. Hateful. By now he was more spitting that talking.

"We're just going dancing Derek... We're just friends."

"Well we are just "friends" too, aren't we Meredith?" He wanted to kick himself the moment he airquoted the word friends. Catch everything he had said and put it back into his mouth. But it was too late. Meredith looked at him like he had slapped her in the face.

"Derek... I love you. That's why, just this once, I will pretend that I didn't hear you. I just don't understand what is going on with you recently. What have I done that made you so upset?"

She didn't wait for an answer. Just turned around and left.

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It was already 4 o'clock in the morning when Derek heard Marks "fancy" car pull up in the drive way. He listened to people getting out, laughing. Obviously a bit tipsy. The voice faded quickly, but it took Derek a long time to fall asleep.

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He awakened to a fine scent of lavender. His eyes shot open and he got up, ignoring the pain that shot through his eyes. He deserved it. Every little bit of it.

Meredith walked through his room, collecting the clothes he had discarded last night. Her hair was still wet and hang losely in soft waves from her shoulders. She looked as pretty as ever, but her eyes were red and there were fine strain lines underneath them.

"Mere." his voice sounded strangled to his own ears. She turned around to smile at him, but it was a weary and tired smile. But it also seemed a little bit sad.

"Hey..." she walked over to him. Looking at him. He sat up and pattet the spot next to him. For a second he feared that she would forsake him. That he had managed last night so lose the trust she gave him. But she sad down. Reluctantly. But she sad down.

"I'm sorry Mere. I'm really, truly sorry. I don't know whats gotten into me last night. If I could tell you, show you how sorry I was I would."

Mere wringed her hands, looking everywhere but at him. The look on her face, haunted and hurt broke his heart. He had never seen her that vulnerable and fragile.

" 'S'okay."

He sat up more and covered her hands with his own.

"No Mere. It's not okay. I blew up at you. I was totally out of line. And it definitly was your fault. I was at fault. I had no reason."

"Maybe your on your period..." she answered quitly. But Derek could still pick up on the tiny hint of teasing in her voice. And that gave him hope.

"So will you forgive me?"

"I try!"


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